I wrote him a letter

So I wrote Chad a letter outlining how I felt and what has been going on in my life and basically saying I hope you're well and I'm sorry.

At least that was the first page...

The next two pages basically go on and on about how much I was hurt by what happened between us and what I've been doing in the romantic sector of my life since. Which is basically feeling lonely, crying, and sleeping with my stuffed Raccoon Zoidburg that he bought me. I literally go back and forth from wanting to get the next set of tickets to Canton-Akron Airport and calling his roommate and having him take me to their apartment so I can apologize face to face and just see him one more time to hating myself for writing the letter and being hung up on him when he seriously hurt me. My friends definitely fall into two camps, Camp He's an Asshole and Camp He's the Love of Your Life. But I know that both camps just want me to be happy and honestly, I'm not sure which will make me happier. Things got so heavy so quickly with us and it was amazing and romantic and fairy tale and great. But if he does want to talk to me after he reads the letter, (if he reads the letter which I hope to God he does) we're gonna have to have a long talk about setting guidelines and boundaries and maybe him getting a laptop so we can talk to each other face to face once in a while instead of only on the phone. We'll have to do skype dates and see each other regularly and talk about plans and what's going to happen and work incredibly hard to not repeat the mistakes of round 1. It's been four months since we broke up, so we're coming up on 2 months away from the actual length of our relationship. I should be trying to get back out there if things were resolved, if I honestly was ready to move on. But I can't. Talking to other guys bores me and doesn't excite me sexually and honestly the only guys I tend to like talking to are guys that look like Chad. It's kinda a problem. Granted I do have a time, but seriously? I think I should probably vary a little bit in tastes...

But who knows. Maybe I'll get my movie script ending. Or maybe life will go on.