Living in My Head

I have always been one to live in my head. I mean, I'm wonderful with people. I LOVE people. But inside my head has been this world of magic and wonder, or at least fantasy.

At night, I fall victim to it the worst. I sit in my thoughts and think of the breath of an unknown lover on my neck as he wraps his arms around me. I sit and wonder what it would be like to wake up next to him. I think about how his chest feels against my back. Sometimes he's got a little tussle of chest hair, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he's blonde, brunette. Always light eyes though. The irony in that is I've never had a boyfriend since coming to college with bright eyes. Always a deep brown.

I've been married more times than a Mormon in my mind, with hundreds of honeymoons. I've got houses in over half the country and a few other countries besides. I've lived in apartments, in houses, in cities, and in the country. I've had dogs, cats, rabbits, and even a raccoon.

I spend a lot of time up in my noggin. But I think it helps me realize that I don't really know exactly what I want. If I knew what I wanted, the little details would never change. So I'm waiting for the next guy who surprises me. Makes me feel something special that I haven't felt yet. It'll happen eventually. Who knows... Maybe one day I will have that 3 Bedroom in a quaint college town with a backyard and a pet raccoon.

esc

We all need an escape button.

But we need to find healthy ways of hitting that button. Not through substance abuse or sexual promiscuity or binge eating or stress shopping. But something that works more naturally. I took my method of escape from Legally Blonde. "Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands." Now I don't have a husband (though I wish I did) and I still have urges to kill some people. (I mean, I can't get along with everyone.)

What I do have is a refreshed sense of self, and an opportunity to get away from things and count to 8, wait a minute. Count to 8 again. Wait another minute. Count to 8. Switch. It brings rhythm to a highly irregular life that often has very stressful passages.

Find your esc button. And when you can't take it: Press esc. Release tension.

If Life Were Like Pokémon

One of my favorite things about Pokémon is that I can figure things out. A Geodude uses Rollout which has a base power of 30 after it uses Defense Curl so it doubles. Same Type Attack Boost makes it 1.5x stronger and it's special effective x4 against a Bug/Flying Butterfree. 30 becomes 60 then 90 then 360 and that doubles every turn Rollout hits.

If life were like the Pokémon games, sure there'd be crazy little things runnin' around like Rattatas and Caterpies and there'd be hunts for giants like Lugia and people would be flying around on their Fearows and riding from town to town on their Stantlers. But things would follow rules. Ground will never be hurt by an Electric attack and Spiritomb will never have a weakness unless Foresight's used by a Machoke. There are things that are easy to figure out.

But in the end, life isn't like Pokémon. And as awesome as it would be to major in Double Battle Combinations with a minor in Self-Damaging Move studies, there's something to be said for the fact that life doesn't have as many rules it has to follow. It gives things like me telling a guy who's completely out of my league that I like him a chance to work.

And maybe I picked the wrong starter with this particular situation. But it might make things easier in the future. The only way to know is to go for it.

Though, maybe catching all the communicable diseases you can is not the best idea.

I Like You

You should never give the boy you like a flower.
Flowers bloom once, then fade away.

You should never give the boy you like a ring.
Rings get dirty and are never the same.

You should never give the boy you like candy.
Because it might be sweeter than you.

You should never give the boy you like cologne.
There's nothing nicer than his smell.

You should never give the boy you like a stuffed animal.
Because it might keep them warmer than you.

You should never give the boy you like a kiss.
Kisses can come from many others.

What can you give the boy you like?
The chance to become the boy you love.